Moving Towards the Light
Have you ever been exploring in a big, dark cave? As a kid, I went with my family on vacation to the Adirondack mountains. While there, my parents did a great job of making it special. We rode horses, panned for gold, rented a cool house, and went exploring in a cave. I remember feeling in awe of this big dark hole and a bit scared. We went in the cave with a guide, and it was SO dark! None of my siblings wanted to go further into the darkness of the cave. We all wanted to get back to the light outside. When we finally walked back to the cave entrance, we were met with a welcome beam of sunlight. It was almost blindingly bright! I remember feeling a huge sense of relief being back in the daylight.
As a birth doula, I have seen many women go through this type of experience. The beginning of labor is like standing at the entrance of this dark cave. They’re excited and a bit apprehensive to see what’s to come. They’re laughing and talking in between contractions. They know that they have to walk through the cave (labor) to get to the prize on the other side, their precious new baby! As labor progresses, they start to draw inward. It’s as if they’ve ventured further into the cave, away from the light. They become quiet and more withdrawn. By the time transition comes, they have reached the absolute darkness of the cave. They often become scared and feel as if they’ve hit a wall and can’t possibly continue. Transition is typically the shortest and most intense phase of labor. It’s where the cervix dilates to a 10 and mom is finally able to push. This is where mom’s partner and I will get into her face and tell her “You have got this! Do NOT give up! You are strong, you are capable, you are ready.” It’s as if we’re walking through the darkness with her and leading her toward the light on the other side.
While I’ve not personally had the privilege of giving birth, there are seasons throughout my life that I feel like I did when I was back in that dark cave. Scared, apprehensive, lonely, discouraged, unsure of where to go next. Honestly, I’ve been in one of those seasons this past week or so. Relationships that have unexpectedly broken down have my heart breaking under the weight of this new reality I’m walking in daily. This has affected everything in my life. I have felt uninspired and quite lost. I have been asking myself, “Will this ever end? Will I ever feel joy again? Will it ever feel natural to smile again instead of like it’s a chore? Will I come out of this darkness with a renewed sense of purpose?” Honestly, I’m not really sure.
I wish this could be a more inspiring post. I never want to write just to fill a page with empty words, so I have been silent in the midst of this dark season. It affects every aspect of my life, and I do not feel like my creative juices are flowing. Is anyone listening? Is what I’m writing about resonating with people? Am I making a difference in the world? I truly hope so. I pray that through this pain and dark season I can shine my light and point to Jesus Christ is the one true Light of the world. Jesus says in John 8:12, “I am the Light of the world. Whoever follows Me will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” What a precious promise I can cling to.
So where does that leave us, dear reader? There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Whatever you’re walking through, whether you’re standing at the entrance to a dark cave, you’re in the middle of the darkness, or you’ve come out the other side into the light again, I want you to be encouraged. Know that while I can’t know exactly what you’re going through, I see you. I empathize with you. You’re not alone. More importantly, God sees our struggles and heartaches, mountain top highs and lowest of lows. He has me in the palm of His very capable hands. I am clinging to this promise this week. Thanks for sticking with me for this somewhat disjointed blog post. I hope that next week’s will be more encouraging. Thanks for reading along!
Until next time,
Abby