Taking a Giant Leap of Faith
Have you ever done something in your life that makes you feel like you’re in a free fall? Maybe you’re the adventurous type and have gone skydiving or bungee jumping, but I’m not that kind of girl! What I’m talking about is more in a figurative sense than a literal one, although kudos to all you crazy adventurers out there who are willing to face danger for the rush of adrenaline it provides. I just recently made a giant leap of faith into the unknown, and I’m here to tell you all about it!
If you’ve known me for any amount of time, you know that I am passionate about all things pregnancy, birth, and women’s health. My deepest longing for over half my life has been to be a midwife. I have been working toward this (often elusive) goal for years but it has always seemed out of reach. I can look back and say that I am proud of my accomplishments as a birth worker. I’ve attended many births as a birth doula, completed training as a breastfeeding counselor, and taught several childbirth education courses.
These are all things that, when I’m doing them, make me feel alive and passionate about life. But through all these accomplishments, the deep ache to become a midwife has persisted. Yet the timing has never seemed to line up for some reason or another. Whether it was getting married, moving to be near to family, buying a house, building some businesses, and family or church obligations, I’ve never felt as if the timing was quite right. Until now…
There are many different paths to becoming a midwife. I will save the nitty gritty details for another time, but basically, I am working toward becoming a Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) through the Portfolio Evaluation Process (PEP). One thing we birthworkers like is a LOT of acronyms!
After countless hours of research to find a good fit, I am so happy to announce that I have made the move with my darling, patient husband to El Paso, Texas to begin a year-long clinical placement at Maternidad la Luz. During this next year, I will be working to fulfill the requirements to become a CPM while working at a primarily Spanish-speaking clinic along the border. This is a huge opportunity to finally become a midwife and be able to work with women during their pregnancies and births.
But to be honest, this was an agonizing decision. I am terrified. What if I can’t cut it? What if we don’t have a job or a way to support ourselves? What if the homesickness is too much to bear? What if family emergencies happen? What if I’m not capable of balancing my marriage and school and clinic life? All these questions and SO many more have run through my mind while making this decision. But on the flip side, what if this is the best year of my life so far? What if I can realize this deep heart’s desire that I’ve had for years and years? What if God is so much bigger than my fears and failures and proves Himself so faithful to me?
So here you are, a little update on my life. I have taken the leap of faith. I packed up my life with my husband and our two golden retrievers into our little Toyota Yaris and drove 2,000 miles down to Texas. What an adventure it has been! God is so faithful. I am excited (and yes, terrified) to see what this next year entails. As always, thanks for coming along for my ramblings.
Stay tuned for tales from a student midwife!